Camera-Equipped HUMMER Records Man Vandalizing Vehicle/Signing His Own Death Warrant


In Dallas, Texas, Bea Arthur [sorry, The Golden Girls was on TV at my gym this morning] has been recorded on video tape wreaking tree-hugging havoc on a burgundy HUMMER. According to the Dallas Morning News, surveillance footage captured by HUMMER’s security system recorded an unidentified man keying a large “X” into the side of a HUMMER left in the Carroll Senior High School parking lot. Detective Keith Fulgium, who is investigating the case, said that vandalism is not an isolated incident by any means. As a matter of fact, Fulgium’s department has been flooded with reports from HUMMER owners complaining of similar X’s keyed into their cars.

Thanks to the footage captured by the HUMMER, police now have a better working identity with which to actively pursue the man, and a BOLO [Be On The Lookout, come on, stay current on your COPS episodes people] has been issued for a white male in his 50 to 60’s driving a gold Honda or BMW. If anyone has any information regarding the whereabouts of the suspect, they are urged to file the serial number off the firearm and assemble a convincing alibi before phoning the department tip line to direct them where to find the body. I mean this is Texas, there are rules



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